More summer pool-side literature...

As much as I love a good yarn, sadly part of my summer reading must always fall into the "self-improvement" category. (Which is ridiculous because everyone knows I'm already perfect.) As summer draws near its inevitable end and the stores (and parents) start hollering at us to buy school supplies, I get caught up in the pre-school fervor and start perusing out books with titles like "Fun Ways to Cook Vegan", "French for Dummies", and "Sense and Sensibility". Okay, so the last one isn't a self-help book; no need to tell me that. But I do generally attempt to read books that aren't "literary-lightweights" by the end of the summer.

This summer I chose Ivanhoe and an assortment of books on the evils of interacting with the opposite sex--namely dating. I haven't finished Ivanhoe yet, so I don't think it's fair to Sir Walter Scott to rant and rave about it until I have. So, since I haven't finished reading about the silly English and French knights bashing each other with sticks, I'm going to talk about one of the interesting books I read concerning chastity.

Saving My First Kiss: Why I'm Keeping Confetti in My Closet grabbed my attention because--like so many young woman--I have spent plenty of time dreaming about the day that Mr. Right will come into my life and sweep me off my feet. (You can insert a dewy-eyed sigh here if you like.) But, considering how I'm not even registered to joust in the lists of love, the title intrigued me to say the least.

I own a chasity braclet, I've taken the vow to save my most intimate embrace for my husband alone, and I've never been kissed. Needless to say, I instantly felt that I could connect with the author as she explained her choice. I could understand and even sympathize as she described the secret embarrassment that accompanies virgin lips.

"Sweet sixteen and never been kissed." We've all heard the saying, haven't we? What's so shameful about not having been kissed by the time you're sixteen? Well, honestly, nothing; it just means you haven't found the right guy yet. However, our culture is obsessive about dating. A kiss is considered the seal that makes it "offical". If you haven't been kissed, than that means that you haven't been in a serious relationship. And, by the standards of our culture, if you haven't had a boyfriend by the time you're sixteen, then there must be something wrong with you. Hence, the shame.

Saving My First Kiss: Why I'm Keeping Confetti in My Closet not only alleviated the secret embarrassment I had suffered in private but gave me plenty of food for thought. I loved fairy-tales as a child and in most of them there's a reoccurring theme of True Love's First Kiss.

Yeah, right, big deal, huh? Not really. Read it again.

True Love's First Kiss.

The first kiss. Not the second or third. The first one. Which means Prince Charming had better not have snogged the princess from two kingdoms over or the spell won't break.

Wow.

Needless to say, I was very impressed with the book and the case it made for keeping sexual purity not confined just to the bedroom. I thoroughly reccommend it if you are dating or you aren't but want to.

Brainless peasant bashing

I'm a sucker for online games. Currently one of my favorites is Black Knight. Try it out; you might be surprised! (Especially if you're patient with the opening clip!)

Black Knight The King has created a new way of getting taxes from his people.

Play this free game now!!

Summer pool-side literature...

I read. A whole friggin' lot. I generally complete the local summer reading program in about a two or three days. From what I understand, this is abnormal. However, I don't understand why and--to be completely honest--don't care. I like books.

However, I don't like trends. So, I'm going to talk about trendy literature. *Rubs hands together, chuckling evilly*

Okay, first, let me be clear on something. Just because I don't like a book doesn't mean you won't. In fact, I highly recommend that you read the book(s) yourself to make a decision. I have weird tastes, okay? Which means that things that make me scream and pound my head against the wall may not even phase you.

The Book--note the capital "b", people!--for most readers this summer is Twilight or one of the sequels. Personally, I own Twilight and New Moon, but I'm starting to get a little sick of all the hype. Yes, I watched the movie and enjoyed it, but I liked Dark Knight better. Sorry.

Don't get me wrong; I like Twilight. It's not Dracula by a long shot and personally I think the Cullens are just angst-ridden elves with severe eating disorders, but I don't read it for the action. It's a fluffy, pink literary-candy and I like to occasionally indulge. However, I think the hype is overrated.

For those of you who somehow managed to retain your ingorance about this series' plot, you now have two options. Skip the next few paragraphs or read them and have the plot spoiled. In other words: PLOT SPOILER TIME! Actually, I think I'm going to borrow some wikipedia instead of typing it all up on my own. Meh. I'm lazy.

Twilight

Main article: Twilight (novel)

Bella Swan moves from Phoenix, Arizona to live with her father in Forks, Washington to allow her mother to travel with her new husband, a minor league baseball player. After moving to Forks, Bella finds herself involuntarily drawn to a mysterious, handsome boy, Edward Cullen. She eventually learns that he is a member of a vampire family who drinks animal blood rather than human. Edward and Bella fall in love, but James, a sadistic vampire from another coven, is drawn to drink Bella's blood. Edward and the other Cullens defend Bella. She escapes to Phoenix, Arizona, where she is tricked into confronting James, who tries to kill her. She is seriously wounded, but Edward rescues her and they return to Forks.

New Moon

Main article: New Moon (novel)

Edward and his family leave Forks because he believes he is endangering Bella's life. Bella falls into a deep depression, until she develops a strong friendship with werewolf Jacob Black. Jacob and the other wolves in his tribe must protect her from Victoria, a vampire seeking to avenge her mate James' death by killing Bella. A misunderstanding occurs, and Edward believes Bella is dead. Edward decides to commit suicide in Volterra, Italy, but he is stopped by Bella and Alice, Edward's sister. They meet with the Volturi, a powerful coven of vampires, and are released on the condition that Bella be turned into a vampire in the near future. Bella and Edward are reunited, and the Cullens return to Forks.

Eclipse

Main article: Eclipse (novel)

The vampire Victoria (James's mate from Twilight) has created an army of "newborn" vampires to battle the Cullen family and kill Bella. Meanwhile, Bella is forced to choose between her relationship with Edward and her friendship with Jacob. Edward's vampire family and Jacob's werewolf pack join forces to successfully destroy Victoria and her vampire army. In the end, Bella chooses Edward's love over Jacob's and agrees to marry him.

Breaking Dawn

Main article: Breaking Dawn

Bella and Edward are married, but their honeymoon is cut short when Bella discovers she is pregnant. Her pregnancy progresses rapidly, severely weakening her. She nearly dies giving birth to her and Edward's half-vampire-half-human daughter, Renesmee, but Edward injects Bella with his venom to save her life by turning her into a vampire. A vampire from another coven sees Renesmee and mistakes her for an "immortal child", whose existence violates vampire law, and informs the Volturi. The Cullens gather vampire witnesses who can verify that Renesmee is not an immortal child. After an intense confrontation, the Cullens and their witnesses convince the Volturi that the child poses no danger to vampires or their secret, and they are left in peace.

Thank you, Wikipedia! Okay, plot-wise I've seen worse, but I've also read better. To tell you the truth, Breaking Dawn was my least favorite of the Twilight books plot wise and Eclipse was probably my favorite. Why? Because Eclipse was one of the only books where Bella actually struggled with her feelings towards Edward--if only because he had werewolf competition, but that's irrelevant.

It's hard for me to talk to Twilight fans. I don't like Bella that much and apparently that's a cardinal sin. I would probably like her better if she was more realistic.

For instance, there's a seen where Edward explains why vampires avoid the sunlight. Bella narrates:

Edward in the sunlight was shocking. I couldn’t get used to it, though I’d been staring at him all afternoon. His skin, white despite the faint flush from yesterday’s hunting trip, literally sparkled, like thousands of tiny diamonds were embedded in the surface.
Bella Swan, Twilight, Chapter 13, p.26

Her reaction? "Bite me! Please!" No "What the *bleep*!" or anything other than an "Oh, okay! Now make me sparkle too!"

Even as early as her first encounter with him, Bella begins to obsess over Edward. She has no life beyond Edward; she needs nobody but Edward; she doesn't even care if she dies for him. In New Moon, when Edward leaves, she becomes suicidal so that she can "hear" him scolding her inside her mind.

Personally, I think any normal seventeen year old girl who just discovered her boyfriend sparkled in the sunlight would freak out or fall over laughing. Bella trusts Edward. A little too much if you ask me. Need another example? Okay. You asked for it.

Bella goes out with some friends and gets separated from the group. A group of very unpleasant men want to spend intimate time with her and it looks like Bella isn't going to get an choice in this. But wait! Here comes Edward out of nowhere in his shiny Volvo! He saves Bella and explains that he had been following her and that's how he knew she was in danger.

Wait! Hold on! Stop the car! He was following her? If I was in a car with a moody guy who announced he had been following me, I think I would probably jump out the window. For someone whose supposed to be a policeman's daughter, she doesn't seem to realize that this is what is called "stalking". In most scenarios, stalkers are dangerous. Good thing Edward's just a vampire, then, isn't it?

And when you let a seventeen year old male--and I don't care how long he's been seventeen--be inside your room while you are sleeping, you are taking a risk. The fact that he's a vampire doesn't make it safer; if anything, it's probably more dangerous.

Personally,I was under the impression that love was supposed to be an equal partnership between a man and a woman that strengths both parties. Emphasis on "equal" and "strengths both parties". You could put "both" in italics if you wanted. If anything Bella gets the very short end of the stick in this. It's like as soon as Edward enters Bella's life, her brain turns to jello and her common sense into so much whip cream.

Most girls would be at the very least a little uncomfortable having a vampire watch them sleep, but then Bella isn't most girls. She's fictional, for which I'm immensely grateful.

Now that I've ranted for a very long time, guess whether I love or hate this book.

The truth is I love Twilight. I love it enough that it annoys the snot out of me when people say that Edward is the ideal boyfriend or that they want to be like Bella when they grow up. I take my literature very seriously; things like bad grammar or inconsistancies in the plot annoy me to no end. But I don't believe that I'm going to find my "Edward" out there someday and to be perfectly frank it would scare the heck out of me if I did. In fiction, that sort of thing is harmless. In reality, it's an entirely different matter.

So, in conclusion, read Twilight, enjoy it for the intellectual candy it is, but don't think it's realistic.

(Kudos to L-kun for helping me wrap this up!)